Misled, misunderstood, misinterpreted – not the kind of things you want to hear when you get serious about someone and expect the same kind of commitment from them but these are the words they say.
In such situations, we often blame the guy for misleading us.
The whole I-loved-him-but-he-couldn’t-love–me-back phase hits us. We are so over-consumed by our own thoughts of the rejection we have received that we are unable to see the whole situation as an unbiased third party. Now, I know it is easier said than done but that’s the challenge of every relationship in our lives. We have got to see things from the other person’s point of view.
No one person can be entirely correct and the other a 100% wrong. They can’t really mislead you if you, yourself, want to be misled in a certain direction because that’s actually what you really want from them.
I know what it is like because I have faced that, a relationship I gave my everything to ended on a phone call.
A two minute long call and that was it, it was the end of a 3 year old long relationship. Where you might be thinking he broke up with me, it was actually the other way round and here is why.
I had been treated badly for a long time, there were moments of laughter and happiness too but they only lasted for a few seconds. We would fight over the weirdest things. I had always been the kind who would never scream, couldn’t even utter a simple ‘shut up’ or a ‘leave me alone’. I kept on compromising till I couldn’t bend. He kept on asking me to change from the way I talked to the kind of music I liked, from the way I managed my work to the kind of shows I watched. I tried as much as I could but obviously couldn’t match his expectations. Then one day, I found out he was cheating on me with multiple women. I didn’t shed a tear over him but a huge realization hit me. The way he was treating me, they were all tell signs of what I meant to him, what this relationship meant to him. I didn’t want to acknowledge those tell signs so I turned a blind eye towards them all and chose to suffer!
I realized it wasn’t him, it was me who chose to be treated like that and from then on I have decided on one thing – get things straight before you get too serious. Ask them this one simple question and you’ll know.
Question: WHERE DO YOU SEE US GOING?
This is the only question, the answer will solve any confusion that you have regarding the relationship. The key is to look beyond what he says, it is to look deep into his nature and his reaction to the question.
Remember, both are not too good for you, if he replies over enthusiastically or if he is too unsure about the future.
People who make great promises and fail to deliver are the kind that will make you feel misled, their over-enthusiasm will make you think they are in it for life where actually, their answer was solely based on the way they felt about you there and then. There and then, when the relationship is in its initial honeymoon phase. Such people can’t really look towards their future. They will promise you the moon and the stars but won’t be able to deliver even a simple thing for you from the mart!
Slap yourself out of the illusion they create and the delusion you create for yourself. Someone who is too unsure might still have greater chances to get serious in the relationship, relatively. For someone unsure, you can’t really blame them when they call it quits because they never committed themselves, remember? So why put yourself in an uncertain situation where you have no idea if you will be single the next day or not?
Most importantly, what are the vibes that you get from this person, look beyond his words. What has he been like in his past relationships, do you see a common trend? Trust me, your brain screams at you when it warns you of the tornado that’s about to hit you.
Listen to your head and feel what your heart tells you, keep a balance of both and you will know instantly if he is in it as seriously as you are.